The old man breaks bark off of the tree that's
stood solitary between fence posts for three months -
he waters grasses that have turned a sickly green,
running printless fingers over a spring-wind-scarred scalp.
Young spirits shy from the marrows of wood,
pressing their footprints into battle dust,
ears sharp, collecting the caws of castrated crows
as they meet in the spindles of nude oaks and
forests festering in tar.
This old man washes his windows of winter,
leaves warnings to die in chimneys,
allowing naivety to scrape the brickwork -
spring cleaning, open the flue and
burn the corpses.
Things rot quicker in the warmth.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
The imagery in this is really vivid and beautiful.Your enjambment is perfect, and your alliteration is great.I love "printless finger".In the last stanza,I think the fourth line jars a little. It just doesn't feel like a full line to me. I wish I could explain this better...
The final line was brilliant, and I loved how you isolated it as it really strengthend its power.
Excellent word painting. I loved the line
Young spirits shy from the marrows of wood,
pressing their footprints into battle dust
Amazing
As I read this I am there!!!! I can feel and imagine them.
----
~ayman~
I must say, darling, the title did not exactly draw me in, but the last poem of yours I read was so delicious that I decided to give this one a try--and found that I like it! Not as much as the other (title eludes me, I'm sorry) but still, very good. I enjoy your style a great deal, and your use of alliteration especially stands out in this poem. Keep it up, darling!
this is so cool. its beutiful how mysterious it is!!
I really liked this! Very descriptive and great meaning and imagery. The only part that I didn't understand was when you said the grass turned a sickly green. It's just awkward because grass is supposed to be green and is usally described as something more tateful, though I'm probably missing the true meaning here...I'd love to know what it is. Lol. Great job on this.
Keep it up!
~Rieda
I know what this story is based on, I am guessing an hindu priest? That said I am not really sure what you are trying to say with this poem, whether it's supposed to portray an emotion or just describe a scene. It seems to me like one of those pictures they have in the frame when you buy them, beautiful though it might be they have no true feeling behind them.